Should We Be Keeping Score Of Children’s Games? And Other Tips To Coach Your Kids.


*If you’re easily offended by stereotypes and a few bad words then this article is not for you. Also, if you make it to the end of the article I announce a new class for children.


Little Timmy comes up to bat. It’s the last chance for Timmy’s baseball team to score and tie the game.

kids baseball

Timmy ritualistically takes his bat and taps his cleats twice, places his left foot in the batters box then his right and get’s ready. He nervously awaits the pitch…

He swings, connects and sends it directly back to the pitcher where he easily throws him out at first.


We have all been Timmy at one time while playing sports. We have all had huge dreams of being a professional athlete or even small dreams of hitting that game winning run only to strike out. The only difference between us and little Timmy…

Timmy’s dad is an asshole.

He’s one of those guys that takes their 8 year olds sporting events way too seriously. Coaching from the sidelines throughout not only the games but even practice. He sends Timmy to summer camps to improve his swing. He’s confident his kid is the best on the team. He also has Timmy run laps around the field long after everyone on the team has gone home.


soccer mom plate


Unfortunately to combat these crazy sports dads we have super crunchy, good vibes, hippy Mom. She’s the queen of political correctness. She led the campaign to remove any native american references from the city’s soccer teams last year.

Now it’s her mission to not only remove all scoreboards but to hand out participation ribbons (gender neutral colors of course) to each and every child. In her eyes every child is special. Even the kid that can’t hit a ball off the tee.

It doesn’t matter what sport we are talking about, there are these two polar opposites in each sport… and they need to go away.

The problem with crazy sports dad is he pushes his kids so much that they grow up to resent him and the sport. Although all the early specialization, sports performance camps, and travel league helped little Timmy early on in his sport, later on when he got into high school some kid that played multiple sports stole the spotlight.

Timmy developed some shoulder and elbow problems that constantly bothered him and was never the same player. He never played baseball after high school. In fact he never played any sports ever again. He’s now an overweight truck driver that has a drinking problem and an online porn addiction.

Poor Timmy.

Now the problem with hippy mom is she never instilled any sense of competition into her kids. They chose air conditioning and X Box over sweaty summer practices long ago. Her kids get winded walking to the refrigerator for a refill on their Sunny D. Worst of all her kids are sissy, self entitled little jerks. They can’t throw a ball, ride a bike without training wheels or wrestle without breaking out in tears.

By now I know what you’re thinking… “Alright douche since you have it all figured out how would you coach kids?”

Here is 5 things I would do if I were/when I am leader of the world

  1. Encourage parents and coaches to be more like the teacher you had in preschool that taught you numbers, letters and not to eat glue. You know the fundamentals. If your kid can’t throw a ball or ride a bike then teach them by breaking each task down into something they can practice, something they can relate too.
  2. Encourage play and movement diversity. Kids need to practice and improvise random movement. It’s the essence of being a good athlete. This is something that sports performance camps can’t really teach. A good coach, trainer, parent should show them the fundamentals and good movement but then get out of the way and let them play (learn).
  3. Sign your children up for several sports instead of focusing on just one year around. Good athletes can play anything. They get to practice many movements which develops them into a more well rounded person and healthier too. Remember no one gets offered a contract while in 5th grade.
  4. Pay attention to their schedules. Signing the kids up for travel league on top of playing school sports is a shit ton of playing. If your 9 year old plays as many games as a Major League Baseball player please punch yourself in the face. I know you only want the best for them but those MLB guys are making a shit ton of money, have professional trainers, eat well, etc. Your kid makes ZERO (actually costs you money), eats Pop Tarts for breakfast and still has homework after practice.
  5. Stop f*****g keeping score for little kids games. The younger the kid is the more you should just be playing for fun. In fact they really shouldn’t be playing many games. They should be spending the bulk of their time working on learning the basic skills of their sports. Anyone ever watch a 7 year old’s soccer game? Those kids can’t pass a ball. They forget which way their goal is. How about instead of playing an hour long game, we start by doing a 10 minute practice. Then break into teams and play each other for 20 minutes and then repeat? Knowing the attention span of kids this seems like it may make for a more productive learning experience. It’s not that I’m concerned with kids having hurt feelings from losing a game. It’s that learning is not easily done during the heat of a game, especially while being yelled at by 50 parents on the sidelines.


juice box

Bonus tip:

Kid’s don’t need treats after every single practice or game. Good job guys, way to go you won! Here now enjoy some juice boxes and Oreos.

It’s like we won’t stop until every last kid is type 2 diabetic.

face palm

This is me every time the snacks come out


If you would like to see some more examples of crazy sports parents, you’re in luck. Someone last year made a documentary called Trophy Kids. The show starts at about 2:40 of this YouTube video.


Want to do something positive for your young athletes?

We are starting an after school program for kids. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we will be offering an hour long class at 3:30pm teaching kids some of the fundamentals of movement and weightlifting. I want to teach them to do good push ups, chin ups, jump, sprint, lunge, squat, conditioning and mix in a little play at the end of each session.

Sign up HERE!




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